So, yesterday I learned that he and I have completely different views on the cause and circumstances leading to our divorce. I wrote about how unbelievably angry I am about that.
But as I am processing through it, I want to parse through a few things:
For me, our divorce is a single-issue situation: He hurt me ... in ways I choose to not write because they are highly personal to me and potentially damaging to him. And it's not just the acts, but his response to my telling him that I am not okay with them. He blamed me ... told me I would be okay with it if I loved him better, was more open, or was 'not crazy.' So, he takes no responsibility for the physical acts, or the emotional pummeling after the fact. This broke our marriage beyond any realistic expectation of reconciliation.
But here's the awful part ... After I made it clear this was not a lifestyle I want, he changed the conversation and made this divorce to be a messy, emotion driven episode brought about by my attempting to hold him to some "expectations", while failing to live to his expectations.
It is truly sad that he has abdicated any responsibility for maintaining our relationship, or, ultimately, its end. But, I think it's okay that we have differing views. I wish his view accounted for the violent things he did to me. But, ultimately, it is not my job to hold him to a standard on that.
All I can do is understand myself and then move on.
