Sometimes you just have a bad day. But, you know what, today is not really a bad day at all.
I am nervous today because I have to see my ex in a professional capacity. I have the option to not go to that meeting, which I am thankful for. Or I can take my place in society and at the table, and do my job.
I know nothing he could say or do today will hurt me, but I feel vulnerable, exposed. I hate that I still feel this way about seeing him. In general I don't think about him all that much and feel nothing about him, which is progress. But in this situation, he has power, knowledge. He's part of the "in crowd" and I'm an outsider simply there to observe. He is beloved and I am virtually unknown.
I resolved a long time ago that I am not going to let the fact that I feel these awful things negatively impact my work. Of course, that's not always been the case. I have had bouts of non-productivity that surprised and baffled me. But I am pressing on, digging in, moving forward. I'll save my blanket fort for a better day.
