- I have found myself becoming more and more like the person I remember being before: open, communicative, wry, goofy. When I catch myself in a mirror or listen to myself talk, I seem much more like that person than like 1-year-ago me. I think that's a good thing. I've never been overly confident, but I have re-become more comfortable with who I am.
- My ex has moved on to a new relationship. From an emotional perspective, I am okay with it. I truly hope he finds the things he wants - and I have come to accept he simply doesn't want them with me. Related, I also no longer feel the need to avoid seeing him. For a time I couldn't believe what had happened and wondered when I would wake up from the nightmare. So I actively avoided him - because everything hurt. Now, not because I am in denial, but precisely because I am not in denial, were I to run into him, I would be simply unaffected.
- I am in a good place to move on as well. I am still figuring out me ... but I also am open to if someone else wants to figure out me. The day I realized this I was surprised - because the thought of doing life with anyone else - in any capacity - had previously brought up raw hurt and pain so I simply stopped thinking about it. Now the hurt seems to be nearly resolved ... most days ... and I am in a good place. But, and this is just me - I am super curious about what kind of path may lead to what's next. I don't like the idea of 'looking' for a person - going fishing in a pond full of a random assortment of fish hoping to find one particular kind just seems silly. So I really don't know what will happen, if anything ever, but maybe something.
- I no longer feel I'm living in hiding and part of moving on will be to write about other things. I will likely post emotional check ups like today and I am glad I did this - in fact I am glad to have this space to feel my way through. But I am also glad to be done with it. I am looking forward to writing about basically anything else.
... six
Since my last, also numerically titled, entry, here are a few thoughts -
